Sunday, April 21, 2013

The Perfect Storm

Saturday night was such a whirlwind when we got the last offer for lungs. I stayed up with Parson until around 12:30am because she was really fussy & having some tummy issues. Once she settled, I went out to my recliner in the PICU waiting area and pulled up my blanket - at 12:37 am my phone rang.

The transplant coordinator was on the other end. She explained that they were 90% sure they had lungs for Parson. Woohoo! She told me that they had requested one more blood gas on the donor lungs and that those results would determine whether our surgeons would be put in the air soon. She also stated that the process would be moving quickly and that Parson would go to surgery somewhere between 2-4 am. The surgeon would be coming soon to get my consent for surgery. The coordinator said she would call me back after the 1.30am blood gas to update me. I called Rodney and quickly went back in to Parson's bedside.

The nurses are so dang fun - they actually get more excited than I even did as a parent. They are really rooting for this to happen. (I was still holding on to the fact that there was a 10% chance that it would not work out.) They had already began pre-surgery preparations - drawing blood tests, giving special meds etc. During this short interim, I was anxiously awaiting to hear about the 1.30 blood gas results. I looked up and saw Dr. Heinle, the surgeon. Wow - the coordinator wasn't kidding when she said this was gonna move fast. (This is further than we have gotten on the other offers.)

At 1:42am, my phone rang and the transplant team member said the offer had fallen apart. Blood work that they had just pulled showed that Parson's CRP level was elevated and the increase was unexplained at this time. It would be too risky to transplant, so they turned down the lungs. Uggh - punch in the gut.

Our "hurry up" just came to a screeching halt and we are right back to "wait". Honestly, I don't understand why it is one thing and then another that is delaying this process - a picc line infection, a fever, an elevated CRP level & low hemoglobin.

Now that the smoke has cleared, I continue to play the events of Saturday night over & over again in my mind. My mind kept going to the "what if's". So I picked up my Jesus Calling devotional book to check out what April 21st had to offer. The opening statement was for me .... "LET ME CONTROL YOUR MIND. The mind is the most restless, unruly part of mankind. .... When My spirit is controlling your mind, you are filled with Life and Peace."

"For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." - Romans 8:6

Yep. Restless & unruly was a perfect description of my thoughts after Saturday night fell thru. But as crazy as it seems, I cannot explain the feeling that I have about the whole process. I have an incredible peace - one that is not of this world. Sure, my mind wanders, (I'd be lying if I said any different) but the deep down peace hasn't wavered. Gotta put off the "hemoglobin & CRP's" of the flesh in order to find life and peace.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27

I am not troubled and I am not afraid. I have got PEACE, LOVE & PARSON BLUE.

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