This morning was a beautiful Saturday morning. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. The chickens were busy laying eggs. Rodney cooked a breakfast feast -- bacon, fresh eggs, biscuits & gravy. We sat down to eat and he asked "is it still surreal that you aren't getting up and going to work everyday. I mean turning on your computer and kids coming in and everything?" Complete silence.....(you could hear the crickets)........Tears.
It hits me like a ton of bricks everyday- sometimes multiple times a day. I absolutely loved my job as a school counselor. I loved getting up everyday and giving 110%. I loved helping kids and parents. I loved working with "future grown ups". I loved helping teachers. I honestly don't think I could have ever given that up.
God has a funny way of taking care of things. Before school started this year, I had taken a new job as the director of state and federal programs. A promotion with more money and more responsibility. But with Parson being sick, I never got the chance to fall in love with the new job.
So here I sit today bawling like a baby because I don't get to wake up everyday and put on work clothes and go "grind it out" for 8+ hours a day at Jasper ISD. Absolutely nuts. Most people would give anything to be a stay at home mom. There are some things I just don't understand. Why did God give me a new job only to have to turn around and give it up?
Well really, I do know the truth .... He was checking my faith status. He had a greater promotion in store for me - the job as Parson's momma. He knew when He knit her in my womb that I would be up for the task. (I'm still not convinced I am qualified, but evidently He thinks I have got what it takes.) It is not more money but it is definitely more responsibility.
Last night was one of those nights where the "more responsibility" kicked into overtime. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. We started the night with the monitor alarming because her heart rate was too low. (Insert a small nap here) Then her ears were hurting and she needed some Tylenol. (Insert a small nap here) BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Then the monitor probe went out on her foot and needed to be replaced. (Insert a small nap here) Then she had diarrhea from the antibiotics for her ear infections. Then she needed a bottle. Then her ears were hurting again, so we visited from about 3am-4am. I could go on, but you get the picture.
In the wee hours, I couldn't help but think how bizarre this whole situation is. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, along came Parson (who is 1 in a Zillion - as the genetic tests proved) to show me. We are learning this thing together. I guess you could say it is on the job training. It is pretty simple --she tells me what to do and I do it. All jokes aside - I have never worked harder in my life.
It is still a beautiful Saturday morning. The sun is still shining. The birds are still chirping. And Darby just ran in the house and announced "I JUST SAW A CHICKEN LAY AN EGG IN MY CLUBHOUSE" (While she contorted her body to mimic the chicken). And I'm sitting here having a pity party crying about what used to be... HELLO JENNIFER! Get rid of the stinkin' thinkin' and get on with the day. So I hereby declare an end to this pity party.
I just can't question it. I have got to trust Him. Like it says in Isaiah 55:8-9, "His ways are better than my own". I have a feeling that verse sums up this whole bizarre situation. I'm pretty sure that this Plan B is all about getting a hard headed, control freak like me to give it up. (I gotta admit hard heads like me don't go down without a fight.) Oh Jennifer, when will you learn? His ways are better. Hopefully with a little more on the job training I will be that much closer to being "happily at peace in the midst of plan B".
Well, I gotta get back to work, the boss is calling - she just ripped the oxygen off her face and she wants a bottle.
"His ways are better". Peace.