The doctors have decided that Parson is a mystery. The last few days she has continued to have episodes of respiratory distress and the docs cannot attribute the episodes to anything in particular. They have used multiple medicines and pondered many possibilities. Little by little they are ruling things out. Today, her doctor said he would not consider us going home until the episodes lessened in severity and number. He said he would not even feel comfortable sending us home if we lived in Houston. As bad as I want to go home, I do not want to be in another emergency respiratory crisis away from Texas Children's.
I realized today that Parson has been in the hospital for a total of 36 days in her 7 months of life. I was a little discouraged today while posing a whole list of questions to her team of docs regarding her current status and the big elephant in the room - the lung transplant. I was explaining that I was a realist and could handle most anything if I just knew where we were in the process. The PA said something very encouraging. She said "Parson is going to be a healthy adult. She is using up all her sickness early." It is SO encouraging to me that nothing is impossible for the doctors here. They are incredibly knowledgable and confident. That is SO assuring. But the big problem for me is .... not knowing.
Not knowing when she is going to have another episode. Not knowing what is causing the episodes. Not knowing when we will get to come home. Not knowing when she is going to go on "the list" and need a transplant. Not knowing if lungs are going to available when she finally needs them.
I can easily lose sight of the big picture by getting caught up in all of the "not knowing". Honestly, I haven't thought much about Parson being an adult, most less a healthy one. For 7 months, I have been too busy making lists of questions for doctors to think about the future. I needed to hear that from the PA to help me rethink all of my "not knowing".
"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have enough worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -- Matthew 6:34
As a confident Christian it is easy to admit that I have a problem of "not knowing", but I certainly know better that to worry. Guilty. Today I realized that all of my "not knowing" is just worry dressed up real nice. Corrie Ten Boom said it best... "Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength."
Friends, I can't borrow worries - I gotta have the strength for TODAY! He takes care of the birds & He will take care of me.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? -- Matthew 6:25-27